April

4 April 2004: The Zoo
Saturday we visited Gran and Pop, at their house, Kimberly had lots of fun showing off her newly acquired crawling skills to her Pop, who was suitably impressed. At one stage Gran went to cuddle Aunty Donna’s doll, "Suzie" and Kimberly became very jealous, se crawled up to Gran and tried pulling Suzie away. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts she changed tactic and started cuddling up to Gran. When Gran cuddled let go of Suzie and started cuddling her she giggled with delight. Already at not even eight months she’s learnt to be jealous!
Part of David’s birthday present was that we would take Kimberly to the zoo. I got free tickets from Telstra but we need to be at the zoo between 11 to 11.30, Kimberly started her nap at 9.00, we expected her to sleep for an hour but she didn’t wake up till 10.30 so we didn’t leave the house till 11. Luckily the drive to the zoo is only 20 minutes on the freeway.
When we got to the zoo there was a stand next the gate, I told the lady my name and she handed me our tickets, then we were escorted past a long cue to the entrance. Needless to say we were both very pleases and relieved we didn’t have to wait. We dropped off our picnic hamper at a pavilion that Telstra has booked and went to see the lions, we were able to get quite close but Kimberly seemed more interested in the other people than the lions.
After the lions we had to find a nappy change facility as Kimberly had done some "major business", this was a bit of a drama as she hates getting her nappy changed in a foreign places. To make matters worse we had to change her clothes as well because the nappy had leaked. Poor Kimberly screamed for most of the nappy change. Luckily she calmed down as soon as we were outside.
Kimberly saw lots of different animals but she was most interested in the ducks, meerkats and the butterflies. The meerkats were the cutest, Kimberly couldn’t take her eyes off the little pups running around after their parents.
The favourite part of the day was lunch on the lawn, we fed Kimberly apple and she crawled on the rug and played with her toys, she even had a taste of my Frosty Fruit. After the zoo we went to visit Tai Por (great grandma) and to drop off some clothes I had made for Emily.

12 April 2004: Wave bye-bye and more teeth
We’ve had terrific Easter break, doing not very much. Friday we visited Gran and Pop, Kimberly had lots of fun showing off her new tricks. She now has six teeth, four on the top and tow on the bottom. She was a bit unsettled, but usually within minutes on apply Bonjela on her gums she is fine.
Por Por has been teaching Kimberly to wave bye-bye and I think she’s starting to get the hang of it. David and I went grocery shopping while Por Por looked after Kimberly and as we went out the door Kimberly waved bye bye to us.

15 April 2004: Full time childcare
Next week Kimberly will be starting childcare full time L . She’s had a tough two days at childcare this week, I think it’s because she’s been home for five days in a row. She hasn’t slept well, not enjoying drinking from the bottle, constantly trying to stand and as a result falling over. I’ve noticed a few dumps. But the worse thing is that Wendy (one of the carers) said that carers from other rooms have heard Kimberly crying and have said that it’s so not like Kimberly. I agree with them, Kimberly is usually such a happy child, she very rarely cries, so she must have been unhappy…
Wendy also mentioned yesterday that on Tuesday when Kimberly was in the playground she put a leaf in her mouth which made her vomit. I wanted to ask them to keep a closer eye on Kimberly but didn’t want to sound over bearing.
I’m still of two minds about childcare, if you asked me last night to quit my job I would not have hesitated. Full time childcare is still definitely on a trial basis, I haven’t ruled out other options and will just see how things go.

22 April 2004: Kimberly has a cold
Our weekend was very quite as Kimberly has a cold. Wendy from MLC had mentioned that Kimberly had a runny noise, but she seemed fine until Friday when her noise just wouldn’t stop running. She seemed better on Monday so we took Kimberly into MLC, I called later that morning to see how she was going and Wendy said that she had a tough morning but appeared happier after her nap (only half an hour). Only minutes later I got a call from David saying that Wendy had called him and ask that we go to pick Kimberly up.
Poor Kimberly I stayed home with her for the rest of Monday, then Tuesday and Wednesday and today David is staying home with her in the morning and Gran will come to look after her in the afternoon. She started to look like she would be OK to go to MLC yesterday afternoon, but last night she was coughing and this morning was a bit grumpy.
I was giving Kimberly Panadol on Friday to see whether that would help, but by Saturday night we were at the chemist looking for something stronger. We’ve been to the chemist every night this week getting this and that in a desperate attempt to help Kimberly get better. David asked Kimberly the other day for her to give him what she had. And I've asked Kim the same thing many a times already, I'd much rather it be me . When I told David, he said that he’d been saying it as soon as he realised Kim had a runny noise. I’ve even heard Por Por say it a couple of times. Sometimes I think it’s harder on the adults than on Kimberly, we’re so stressed that she’s not eating or not comfortable, and there doesn’t seem to be much that we can do to make her better.
We’re all feeling tired due to lack of sleep, Kimberly has been waking several times in the middle of the night and also getting up around 6 every morning and not wanting to go back to bed. Can’t wait for the weekend when we can catch up on some much-needed sleep.
Gran and Pop baby-sat on Saturday, David and I attend John and Stacey’s wedding in Williamstown. Gran and Pop both said that Kimberly was well behaved, I think even if she wasn’t they wouldn’t tell us. They’d both do anything for Kimberly. Funny (in awonderful way) how grandparents are – always there to give unconditional love and support, to the parents and the grandchild.

23 April 2004: Jessy escapes
Every opportunity Jessy gets she will try to escape, I think it’s just her nature she’s always been like that ever since she was a pup. On Monday when we had to bring Kimberly home from MLC I accidentally left the door open and Jessy escaped. And yesterday when Gran was babysitting Kimberly, the postman came to the door and Jessy escaped. Right under everyones nose. Poor Gran was very worried, she didn’t even see Jess going out the door, Jessy is very quick and tricky. I called David and asked him to go home to try to look for Jessy, after about two hours I got a call from Gran saying that the people at number 24 called to say she was at their house.
David mentioned that the only one that didn’t seemed stressed was Kimberly. Some times I think that if Jessy is lost over night and then we find her the next day, she might learn her lesson. Not so nice sleeping out in the cold and not being fed, but then again she’d probably see it as a big adventure.

27 April 2004: Ga Ga Ga
Kimberly is starting to repeat the sounds that we make, she mostly will say ga ga ga, sometimes just ga. But if we say ba and da, she will repeat it and sometimes she will repeat ma but she’s not as good with ma.
Kimberly is developing into a very opinionated little lady, even though she can’t talk yet she is very adept at telling us want se likes and doesn’t like. Kimberly will usually have a shower or bath with me, so a few days ago when she heard me in the shower she made David bring her into the bathroom and was not pleased when she didn’t get to join me. When she hears the bath filling up, she squeals with delight. At night when she wants a feed she will grizzle until I hold her, as soon as she sees me unbuttoning my top she will stop fussing. On Sunday night Kimberly woke a few times for a feed, I fed her the first time, but the second time I just held her, she was OK with that for a while. She kept hugging me and leaning her head on my shoulder (very very sweet), but after waiting a few minutes she started to get annoyed. She started to grunt so David tried to rock her to sleep, but no, she wouldn’t have a bar of it. I gave in and fed her, after all she did do the ground work by butter me up. She’s such a funny little girl, not really demanding or anything, she’s actually a very easy baby. But she sure knows what she wants and when she wants something nothing can get in her way (must get it from David).

March

1 March 2004: We missed Dad
David went on a business trip to China leaving Friday night and returned Monday morning. Kimberly was very well behaved and easy on me while her Dad was overseas, however when David got home initially Kimmie wanted to be held by her Dad (very cute). But after a while it almost seemed like she was upset at him for going away and lunged for me not wanting David to hold her.
Aunty Donna came to visit on Saturday, with Gran and Pop. We all had lunch together and caught up on "news". Kimberly enjoyed all the attention and refused to sleep until everyone had left, so she was a bit grumpy towards the end as she’d only had half an hour sleep since 6am in the morning till 1.30 in the afternoon. Kimberly did a dance for Aunty Donna on her play gym and Aunty Donna had a go at changing Kimberly’s nappy.

Our current routine:
6.00 Wake up, feed, change, play
7.30 Go to childcare, we stay until 8.00
While at childcare, Kimberly will usually have cereal and a bottle in the morning then a nap. Veggies for lunch with water and another nap in the afternoon. Fruit and bottle for afternoon tea, and on occasion she’ll have another nap.
5.30-6.00 We pick Kimberly up from childcare.
6.30 Arrive home for a feed, play, bath and then bed by 7.00-7.30
When Kimberly is at home with us we try to follow the same routine, the only difference is that her sleeps are usually longer because it’s quieter at home. Kimberly also gets to play outside at childcare, we tend to keep her inside most of the time, especially with Abraham in the backyard.
Last week I was going to take Kimberly for a walk on my work from home day, since I’m entitled to my lunch break when I’m in the office. But realised I didn’t have keys to the house as I gave my set of keys to Robert and the spare set to my Dad. How sad not having keys to my own house, David copied a set for me on Friday.
On weekends things can be a bit all over the place because of outings and visitors but she seems take it all in her stride. On Sunday we went to visit Tai Por, everyone was very excited to see Kimberly and were amazed by how much she’d grown and how independent she was. Kimberly showed off in front of everyone, blowing lots of raspberries, making lots of sounds and even managing to do a bit of a dance (bouncing in the some spot) now and then.

2 March 2004 When we don’t get our way…
Whenever Kimberly doesn’t get her own way (which is rarely) she now grunts and if still no joy, she screams her head off. I have a feeling that she’s picked this up from the other kids at childcare.
Changing her nappy is now a challenge, I remember when Kimmie use to giggle happily while we changed her nappy. Now she wants us to keep her amused and will squirm when we take more an a minute, we now have to sing to her, give her toys to play with and make funny faces. Nothing seems to work for long. She gets very grumpy in the car when we have to stop, so we never head out in peak hour and the drive home is always a bit of a struggle.
I’ve resorted to moving her around, so we change her nappy on the change table but we put clothes on in the cot. Hope this is a phase.

4 March 2004 Giggles
As per usual I feed Kimberly as soon as we get home while David puts the expressed breast milk away and cleans up in the kitchen. Yesterday Kimberly only had a quick feed as she wasn’t very hungry. While we waited for David to return so that we could give Kimberly a bath together, I tickled Kimberly under her ribs and she giggled for at least 5 minute.
This morning David left Kimberly to play in her cot while he had a shower and I got to sleep in, he put pillows on the sides of the cot so that Kimmie wouldn’t hurt herself if she feel over. Kimberly could only just look over the pillow and when David played peek-a-boo with her she giggled loudly each time. They played for 5 minutes and she giggled happily the whole time.

11 March 2004 Bumps and scratches
We had a fairly non-eventful long weekend (it was Labour Day on Monday), Kimberly was a bit grizzly, we expect her top teeth to come through soon as her gums are very red and swollen. We mainly stayed home and rested.
On top of the teething Kimberly has been getting a few bumps and scratches lately, one day when we picked her up from childcare I noticed a scratch on the back of her head. The carers didn’t mention anything and they are usually very thorough so I’m not sure whether she did it at home or "something". She also got a tiny scratch on her chin the other day from the dummy packaging (we got her a new dummy on Saturday). It was my fault, Kimberly wanted the packaging to play with, so I gave it to her, and everything goes into her mouth so no prizes for guessing how she got the scratch. This morning we noticed some scratch marks on her left cheek, not sure how they got there. Could be my watch or Kimberly might had scratched herself during the night, regardless I cut her fingernails this morning.
I’ve been told that I’ll get used to all the bumps and scratches and that there’ll be lots more to come, well "no thank you" I say. I don’t want to get use to my baby getting hurt, I know she’s going to get dumps and scratches (hopefully only very tiny ones) but I hope that I don’t become sensitised to them.
Aside from teething and the scratches (as if that’s not enough) Kimberly is doing well. She’s a very affectionate child much to our delight, and reaches out for all her favourite people, which includes the carers at childcare. Yesterday when we picked her up from childcare, she did a little dance (bouncing on the spot) when she saw her Dad and reached out to him. She then reached out for me, but when I was holding her, she reached for her Dad, she just wanted us both to told her. She doesn’t seem to have one favourite person. When we got home we both cuddled and tickled her and she squealed with laughter (so cute). She’s showing the first signs of starting to crawl, she can move backward easily and manages to move around the room on her belly (but not really crawling).
I was just reading one of the January entries about wanting Kimberly to sleep in the cot during the day, well that hasn’t happened. Kim sleeps in our bed, day and night.

15 March 2004 Sitting on her own
I am so proud of Kimberly she is such a champ. I know I’ve said this before but she really is a terrific baby. We had a busy weekend, went to visit Gran and Pop on Saturday and went out to lunch at Federation Square Sunday with my uni friends (for Ada’s birthday).
We left the house around 11.30 on Sunday (Kimberly had been up since 10.00), Kimberly was very well behaved all through lunch. Kimberly ate her rice and veggies that we had bought along for her and had some water from her cup, she also had some mashed potato and veggies from David’s plate. She didn’t get grizzly till about 2.30 and by that time we’d already finished our lunch and was ready to go.
I can’t believe how "big" my little girl is getting, she looks so grown up. Kim is now able to pull herself into a sitting position pretty much from any position we put her in. She gets up on her knees into a kneeling position, plonks her bum down and then re-positions her legs (smart little cookie).
On Saturday David turned the car seat around, so now Kimberly gets to face the front. We did it mainly because she kept leaning forward in her seat, no complaints so far. Kimberly had recently been waking for a feed during the night, started last week when she was teething. I haven’t minded feeding her, but it’s a self perpetuating cycle, the more I feed her at night the less she drinks during the day so on Saturday night David put her back to sleep without a feed and she slept thought Sunday night. Will have to see how she goes tonight because I make any conclusions, but my money is on Kim sleeping through.

21 March 2004: Dad’s Birthday yesteday
Kimberly has changed so much in the last few weeks, and her personality is becoming more and more evident. She’s very determined and independent. On Wednesday night I decided to try to wean her from her pacifier/dummy. My logic is that she never needed it until she stated childcare and I’m not keen on he still having it when she it a toddler. She did quite well and only woke once that night. This continued for the next couple of days, she was extra grizzly and difficult to put to sleep, but other than that she was OK. We persisted for the rest of the week but on Sunday I started worrying how she would cope without it at childcare.
As with everything else when I am unsure I refer to David who admitted that he’d been worrying how Kimberly would cope at childcare without her dummy for the past couple of days. So Sunday afternoon we gave it back to her to see whether she wanted it. Her reaction was just priceless she was so pleased to get it back, it was as if she was being reunited with a long lost friends.
I don’t like giving in, but I think I’ll wait another couple of months before I try weaning Kimberly from her dummy again. My reason for weaning is that I don’t want Kimberly to be dependant on "things" for comfort. I sought compare a child needing a dummy to an adult who is addicted to cigarettes although I know it’s not the same. I’m not really bothered by the dummy, but my preference is that she doesn’t have it. Actually since Kimberly only has one dummy (I keep myself from buying more so that I’m more motivated to wean) I’m thinking of getting her another one to make it easier for sterilising.
Saturday was David’s birthday, we had intended on getting up early to go for a swim at the Kew aquatic centre, but because Kim woke up a couple of times during the night we slept in. We went out to lunch with Gran, Pop, Chris and Rhona to La Porchetta in Box Hill, and afterwards went back to Pop and Gran’s house for cake (Kimberly had a good snooze). Gran and Pop bought David a battery charger which is great because the batteries in Kim’s toys keep needing to be replaced, they also got David a "man-bag". Chris and Rhona bought David a CD labler which he’s been wanting for a while so David kept asking me whether I had mentioned it to Chris. Which I hadn’t.
Sunday was quiet, David did some work on at Por Por’s Burwood Rd property and I did some sewing for Kimberly. We had planned on going out for dinner but felt slack so stayed home.

25 March 2004: Mum misses out on looking after Kimberly this week
I’m working on a couple of urgent projects this week and can’t work from home. Luckily Por Por can take the morning off work to look after Kimberly and David will look after Kim in the afternoon. I don’t like to do this as it means I miss out on my day with Kim and it puts a lot more pressure on everyone else. Work has been so hectic that I have been bring work home every night.

27 Marc 2004: We have forward motion
On Saturday while Gong Gong and I was playing with Kimberly she crawled forward. It was very definite, she was moving towards a mobile phone that I was setting up for Por Por. She only manage two movements. I am so proud.
We’re also now putting Kimberly to sleep in her cot (still in our room) because we’re worried that she’ll crawl off the bed and fall onto the floor.

29 March 2004: Top Teeth
Kimberly’s top teeth have come through, once again I discovered this because Kim wanted to chew on my finger. Her teeth are so sharp that I through the tip of my finger was going to get bitten off. David had to go into work on Saturday to supervise the stock take so I ended up getting my one on one time with Kimberly after all. But because of the teething Kimberly was a little grizzly and wanting extra cuddles.
On Sunday we had planned on going yum cha with Gong Gong, Por Por and some of my other relatives but because the place we wanted to go to was booked out we didn’t end up going. Instead we took Kimberly to the Kew Aquatic centre, we did test out the water in our pool but it was way too cold. Kimberly did really well. David went in with her while I took photos and video. David dunked Kimberly into the water a few times, and even though she was a bit shocked she didn’t cry. There were lots of other children at the pool and Kimberly watched them intently.
We did have one mishap, when I went to change Kimberly when she got out of the pool and before I could grab a towel, Kimberly peed on all over me. But wet jeans didn’t stop us from going grocery shopping, I did get some curious looks but it didn’t bother me. We usually put Kimberly in the capsule of the shopping trolley but lately she hates being in the capsule and wants to be sitting up. She’s also started to pull herself to a standing position on furniture. She's such a little smartie, she's growing too quickly if you ask me.

February

2 February 2004: Lots of progress - another tooth, drinking from a cup and now able to stand

Shortly after the first tooth (Kimberly’s centre both right) the second tooth appeared (Kimberly’s centre bottom left). The second tooth has caused us a bit more problems than the first, some nights Kimberly finds it difficult to settle so we have to put Bonjela on her gums.
Yesterday we introduced three solid meals, cereal in the morning, apple at lunch and then peas and potato for dinner. Kimberly ate about two teaspoons of the cereal, even less of the apple but had a really good helping of peas and potato (just bought stuff from a jar). I think the fact that she also had a rusk to chew on helped maintain her interest in eating. She chewed threw a third of the rush. Kimberly’s fingers are very nimble she can hold onto the rusk on her own and pops it in and out of her mouth at will. She also managed to drink from a bottle on her own, with only a little help.
We introduced a sipper cup two weeks ago which Kimberly really enjoys, but rather than drinking from the cup she tends to enjoy chewing on the spout. She will have a sip now and then.
Kimberly has developed a "fan club" at childcare, she has two little girls that wait to see her ever morning. Little Brodie (who is about 3 or 4) and not sure what the other little girls name is (she looks about 12 months older than Kimberly and seems a bit shy). This morning when we got to MLC, the two girls were waiting in the corridor for Kimberly. So David and Kimberly stopped to say hello and also to have a play, I went to Kimberly’s room to get everything organised. Brodie asked whether Kimberly could sit on her own, so David sat Kimberly down. Kimberly’s muscles are quite strong now and she’s even manage to sit on her rocking Eeyore on her own.
Brodie then asked whether Kimberly could stand on her own, and insisted that David try to see whether Kimberly could. To everyone’s surprise when David stood Kimberly up and let go of her she stood unassisted (only briefly).

4 February 2004: Mum’s Journal
Kimberly is almost 6 months now, so that means that I’ve been a Mum for nearly 6 months. Whilst a lot of things have become easier I still think that parenting is the most challenging job that I have ever had, and definitely still the most rewarding.
I’m not sure whether it’s possible, but I seem to love Kimberly more now than I ever did. She’s a very brave little girl and I am extremely proud of her. Kimberly is well known by all the carers at MLC Kindle, they all say hello to "Baby Kimberly" when we walk past. I was never a very confident or outgoing child but I’m proud to say that Kimberly is showing all the signs that she will be.
Despite being one of the youngest children at the centre Kimberly doesn’t dominate the carers time. She is independent and happily plays on her own or sits watching the other children. She smiles readily at the carers and of course always smiles for David and I (as well as her grandparents).
David and I are better at managing our time and we even manage to fit in movies and outings now and again. We’ve been very lucky to have family close by who are always happy to help out. I definitely think the transition to parenthood would have been much harder without all the support from family.

21 February 2004: Offer full time at MLC
Yesterday David got an e-mail from MLC saying they have a full time position for Kimberly next term. Our feelings are mixed. The down side is we’ll have less time with Kimberly but we won’t have to juggle between work and childcare as much.
Kimberly enjoys childcare, the carers are terrific, they make sure that they’re providing the children with lots of new experiences and not just child minding. At least once a day the carers (Wendy, Trish, Steph and Karen) take Kimberly outside to play. And already she’s been exposed to musical instruments. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, as I would not normally have provided Kimberly with exposure to music.
Also I think it’s good for Kimberly’s development to be around different people, that truly are committed to her development (which the carers at MLC appear to be). That way Kimberly gets to learn from lots of different people.

23 February 2004: Not feeling well
One of the other children at childcare – Paddy has been sick and I had been worried that he would pass whatever he had onto Kimberly. He had had a terrible runny nose and was been irritable for the last couple of weeks but Kimberly still seemed OK. But early last week I started getting a sore throat, I didn’t think much of it was David also had a sore throat. By Thursday I was really feeling worse for wear and decided to not go into work, David picked up my laptop so that I could log in from home. Needless to say we didn’t do much on the weekend, I wanted to make sure that I didn’t get more sick and tried very hard not to pass whatever I had onto Kimberly.
This morning Kimberly had a runny noise (I still felt terrible), Por Por offered to stay home to look after Kimberly, but we didn’t think she was sick enough for that. Por Por wanted us to check Kimberly’s temperature but we thought that she was over reacting. When we got into the childcare centre I wanted to tell Paddy’s mum Jo that Paddy had given Kimberly a cold, but before I had a chance I heard her telling the carers that Paddy had Roseola. David and I didn’t know what this Roseola was but we didn’t like the sound of it.
I made David tell Jo that Paddy had given Kimberly and I a cold, but she didn’t seem too concerned. I then proceeded to tell the carers that Paddy had given us his cold, but I was carefully not to lay blame on them as Jo really shouldn’t have let Paddy go to childcare in the state that he was in. First thing I did when I got into the office was find out what Roseola is. The symptoms are a fever and a rash, not sure whether Kimberly has a fever, if she does have it then there’s not much we can do to treat it apart from lots of rest.
I keep hearing that children get sick when they go to childcare and to expect this to continue, but now that Kimberly is sick, I’m finding it hard going. Poor little thing, she’s been a real trouper as usual and doesn’t seem to let it worry her. I just hope that she isn’t feeling too bad, and if she doesn’t look well then I might have to stay home tomorrow.

25 February 2004: Drinking from a cup
On Monday when we went to pick Kimberly up from childcare and they had her drinking from a cup. We’d been offering Kimberly water from a cup at home when she was around 5 months. Kimberly would hold the cup on her own and bring the sipper spout to her mouth but never appeared to drink much. Trish said that Kimberly has been drinking from a cup for a couple of weeks now, they offered it to her because she kept watching the other drink from a cup and looked as if she as missing out.
Yesterday when we picked Kimberly up from childcare she was sitting on one of the carers laps being read to. They commented on how much Kimberly liked books, which we’ve also noticed. Aside from getting other children’s germs we are really happy with MLC Kindle.

January

Before I was a Mum
Before I was a Mum

I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mum

I slept as late as I wanted

And never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mum

I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mum

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunisations

Before I was a Mum

I had never been puked on

Pooped on

Spit on

Chewed on

Peed on

Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mum

I had complete control of:

My thoughts

My body And my mind.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum

I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

Could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mum

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night

Every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay

I had never known the warmth

The joy

The love

The heartache

The wonder

Or the satisfaction of being a Mum.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mum.

4 January 2003: Just relaxing
Mum and Dad haven’t taken any time off over Christmas and New Years so have only been home on public holidays. We haven’t been up to much, just relaxing around the house and of course Mum has managed to fit some shopping in.
The progress that I had made with being able to put myself to sleep has taken a couple of backward steps. Mum thinks it’s because Por Por has been rocking me to sleep. I’m back on track now but it was hard work for both Mum and Dad because I’ve learnt that if I cry enough then sooner or later someone will come and pick me up. Yesterday and today I even managed to put myself to sleep in the cot. From now on Mum and Dad want me to sleep in the cot during the day, but I’m still allowed to sleep with them at night.
Mum is able to get a better idea of my routine because of the extra time at home, she used to express three times at work but now has cut back to twice because I only have two feeds while Mum’s at work.
Childcare tomorrow.

9 January 2004: Our first week at Childcare
I am happy to report that we all survived Kimberly’s first week at childcare, albeit with some tears and apprehension. David and Por Por went with Kimberly to childcare on the Monday, they stayed for about three hours. David managed to put Kimberly to sleep and also feed her a small bottle. Por Por spent the day (and pretty much the rest of the week) moping, it was very hard for Por Por to hand over the reins after looking after Kimberly for two weeks.
What Por Por found hardest was how little Kimberly was compared to the other babies and of course Por Por doesn’t think Kimberly is ready for childcare. Kimberly is the youngest child at MLC, but she is not the youngest one enrolled. Not all of the babies have started childcare so when they do Kimberly will be older than several of the other babies. Por Por did confess that she finds it hard to let Kimberly put herself to sleep and that she enjoyed rocking her to sleep. But now that Por Por has seen what happens at childcare she’s following the "rules".
On Tuesday David and I took Kimberly to childcare and stayed until Kimberly was asleep, this was a bit unpleasant for me as it took a little while to get Kimberly to fall asleep and there was a bit of crying. David went to pick Kimberly up at noon. Por Por looked after Kimberly for the rest of the day.
On Wednesday David and I did pretty much the same as Tuesday but another baby, Patty a nine month old was also being put to sleep at the same time as Kimberly. The only difference was that Patty’s mum doesn’t stand next to the cot, she just puts him in the cot and walks away. Even when Patty pulled himself up and was standing in the cot crying his Mum didn’t come over the reassure him. Poor Patty, I was busting to go over to give him a cuddle. Needless to say Patty didn’t manage to put himself to sleep and after 20 minutes of crying his Mum went to him. Kimberly on the other hand was a real champ, despite Patty’s crying and Emma another baby banging on some instrument Kimberly managed to fall asleep. David picked Kimberly up at 2:00, she didn’t have her bottle but did eat some rice cereal.
Thursday I worked from home, I started her day extra early so that she could fit in some play time with Kimberly and because Kimberly didn’t have to drink from a bottle she had lots of milk.

Mum’s Journal:
I wonder what you're doing right now and if everyone is treating you kind. I hope there is a special person, a nice friend that you can find. I wonder if the teacher knows just how special you are to me. And if the brightness of your heart is something she can see. I wonder if you are thinking of me and if you need a hug. I already miss the sound of your voice and how you give me a hug. I wonder if you could possibly understand how hard it is for me to let you grow. On this day know that my heart breaks, for this is the first step in letting my baby go.
I'm starting to really appreciate that being a Mum can be really hard. Putting Kimberly in childcare is probably the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I pray to God that things get easier.

11 January 2004: First time in the shower
Today I took Kimberly into the shower with me just for something new and she absolutely loved it. She didn’t even mind when water splashed onto her face.
David and I spent Saturday afternoon demolishing the back part of Por Por’s house as she wants the back of the house to be open plan. Por Por stayed home to look after Kimberly. On Sunday David, Por Por and Gong Gong went to finish demolishing the old bathroom and I stayed home with Kim.

12 January 2004: First tooth
Kimberly woke up around 5.30 in the morning (she has been waking up at this time quite a bit lately so I was still half asleep) Kimberly grabbed my finger and put it in her mouth. To my surprise I could feel a tooth on the bottom left (Kimberly’s left). We expected her to go through a miserable and fussy stage because of the teething but as usual she’s a real trooper.
I took the day off work so spent it with Kim at childcare. We have been lucky as the facilities and the staff at MLC are terrific, but still childcare is not like home. All the children there have to be a lot more independent and they don’t get fussed over anywhere near as much as they would if they were at home.

19 January 2004: Sitting on her own
For the last couple of days Kimberly has been able to sit on her own, we have to help her into position but once she is sitting she can support herself with her arms. She’s growing very quickly and is a real joy. She is very happy to be around and rarely complains. The staff at childcare seem to be fond of her and she gets held for most of the day. This has set her back a little with tummy time, which is causing David a bit of concern. He is so keen to see her crawling, but I’d like to keep my baby for as long as I can. Lots of the other children from the other classes know Kimberly by name and as soon as David puts Kim on the play mat, before we knew it there were about five other kids sitting around her.
We used to put Kimberly to sleep before leaving childcare but the last two times we just hand her over to one of the carers, hang around for 15 minutes, say good bye to Kim and then we leave. Kimberly’s routine at childcare is that she has cereal for lunch and then a bottle for afternoon tea. She even manages to get two good sleeps each day.
I’ve scheduled a day off in a couple of weeks so that I can spend another day with Kimberly at childcare, just for my own peace of mind. The carers usually tell us the Kimberly has had a terrific day, which translate to me as "she’s had an OK day".
Kimberly’s is a very determined little girl and once her mind is made up there’s not much you can do to change it. Like when we feed her rice cereal, if she wants to eat she will scoff down the whole lot in no time at all, but if she’s not interested she’ll keep her mouth jammed shut. I am amazed at her ability to cope with change, adjusting to a whole new place and all the new faces at childcare has not been easy for David and I, but Kimberly is coping well. She’s also very strong, how much I admire and adore her constantly amazes me.
She now recognises familiar faces and saves her best smiles for David and I. She is a happy child and giggles often. When she wakes from an afternoon nap she will usually entertain herself, even a childcare where they only know she’s awake because they see her hands moving around and hear her cooing.
On Saturday Kimberly went to visit Gran and Pop who she hadn’t seen since Christmas, Gran had bought Kimberly lots a great clothes and books. We’re thinking that we should visit Gran and Pop once a week as two weeks is a bit too long and sometimes Kimberly takes a little while to remember who Gran and Pop are.
Gong Gong baby sat Kimberly for a couple of hours on Sunday and managed to get her to drink water from a bottle. Gong Gong was very pleased with himself as no one else has been able to get water into her.
Kimberly has lots of clothes. Her Gran, Aunty Donna, Por Por and I all buy her clothes, Por Por and I also make clothes for Kimberly. I was terrible at sewing before Kimberly came along but now I’ve managed to sew a couple of real cute outfits for Kim.